I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
