Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
