just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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