You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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