my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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