I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
