Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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