Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
