I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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