white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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