i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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