Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
