There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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