kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
