He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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