Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just gift wrapped bread.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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