even my farts smell like vagina
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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