That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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