the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
