Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
