Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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