I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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