FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
