would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
