Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
