so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
