ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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