you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
