All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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