I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
plz talk dirty to me
one might say we're banned from that church
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
