good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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