i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
