His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
