If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
