omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
