It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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