Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
