Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize