HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
