why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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