It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
