My first STD was from a foam party
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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