I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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