I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
