Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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