I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
