I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
