seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
