I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize