just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
