I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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