I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
