hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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