She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
