glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
