He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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