I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
