I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
