Someone shit on the floor
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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