what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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