I hate all girls vehemently.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
