would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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