Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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