Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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