I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
