so explain again why im purple
no
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize