I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
