Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
