You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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