This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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