Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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