hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
